Are You Renting Problems?

By Larry Gifford

The next time you are dealing with a problem ask yourself, “Is this really MY problem?” Often times, as a way of dealing with issues, people pass along their issues. By making their problem someone else’s, they are free from having to deal with it in the moment.

For instance: Someone reaches out to you and wants to take you to lunch to discuss something, but they aren’t available to meet when you are available. That is actually their problem, not yours. Often times they will try to make it your problem by saying something like, “Geez, I’m not available any of those times….” Awkward silence ensues.

You have two choices here:

1. Solve their problem by offering alternate times that likely aren’t as convenient for you.
2. Let them solve their own problem by gently, but firmly reiterating that the times you’ve already offered are the only times you have available, and if they can juggle their schedule you would be happy to meet with them.

This is a simple lunch timing issue, but it can apply to problems big and small. I encounter people every day who are asking for advice or pulling their hair out as they try to solve problems only to realize, after a few minutes of dialogue, that they aren’t the owner of the problem.

Why stop co-signing other people’s problems? Life is hard enough as it is, and when we can’t solve every issues we are presented with we often feel guilty about it. And guilt begets karma. No one wants to create unresolved karma over something that isn’t theirs to begin with, right?

You are only responsible in this life for you, your very young children, and pets. That’s it. Everyone else is on their own. Can you help? Sure. You have free will. You can do anything you want. Is it your responsibility to solve other people’s problems? No. Give yourself permission to allow others to solve their own problems.

If you are someone who passes along problems take some time to examine why you do it. What issues are you avoiding? What are you afraid of facing?

If you are someone who eagerly accepts others problems take some time to examine why you do it. What are your motivations for getting involved? What does helping solve other’s problems do for you? Why is that important to you?